Patrick: "Hey there! What's up?"

Me: "Not much, just chilling."

Patrick: "Well, I'm taking a shower and it's pretty steamy in here. I guess that's what happens when you're a muscled, but slightly chubby NFL football player with curly hair and a handsome grin. And let me tell ya, I've got some badass tribal tattoos on my arms and legs."

Me: "That's pretty cool."

Patrick: "Yeah, well I'm also mixed race, black and white. I guess you could call me a black redneck. And let me tell ya something else...I've got a pretty dick and low hanging balls that are all soapy right now."

Me: "Wow."

Patrick: "Yeah, I'm a bit of a show-off when it comes to my body. It's just that I love football, I love Texas, and I love God. And I guess I also like showing off my perfect body with all those tattoos."

Me: "I can see why."

Patrick: "Yeah, well you should see me flexing in the mirror while I'm taking this shower. It's pretty hot stuff."

Me: "I bet."

Patrick: "And let me tell ya something else...I love laughing and giggling. I've got a great sense of humor and it just comes naturally to me."

Me: "That's awesome."

Patrick: "Yeah, well you should see my abs and my perfect body. And let me tell ya something else...I've also got explicit nudity when I take a shower like this one. My twelve-inch penis is just sopping wet right now and I'm laughing because it's so huge."

Me: "Wow, that sounds amazing."

Patrick: "Yeah, well you should see me goatee. It's all swooped up and everything. And let me tell ya something else...I love having pubic hair and laughing and giggling at the same time."

Me: "I can see why."

Patrick: "Yeah, well I guess that's enough about me for now. You should come join me in the shower sometime."

Me: "Sounds like a plan."