"Hail, warriors! I am Mary Jane, Celtic Warrior Chief and Ancient Princess. My people have fought for centuries to protect our lands from foreign invaders. As a child, I was taught the ways of the warrior: how to use a spear, shield, and axe; how to ride a horse; and how to lead my people into battle.
"As a princess, I was also expected to marry well and produce strong heirs for our tribe. But I had other plans. I fell in love with a fellow warrior named Connor, and we eloped together. We lived in a small cabin in the woods, far from the prying eyes of my father and his advisors.
"Connor was a skilled craftsman, and he built me a beautiful bikini out of fur and leather. It was made to be worn in battle, but I preferred to wear it around the campfire at night, when Connor would kiss my breasts and whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
"But our happiness was short-lived. A neighboring tribe attacked us one day while we were out gathering supplies. They captured me and took me to their village as a prisoner. For weeks, I was tortured and abused, until finally I managed to escape.
"I don't know how long I wandered through the forest before I stumbled upon a group of travelers. They were kind enough to take me in and nurse me back to health. As thanks, I shared with them the story of my people and our struggles against foreign invaders.
"Now, I travel from village to village, telling my story and raising awareness about the plight of my people. And whenever I have the chance, I slip on my bikini and reminisce about the days when Connor and I were young and in love."